Elementary School P.E/Adaptive P.E rewrite

I scrapped two posts a while ago when I was getting rid of posts that were really inaccurate. With two of them I turned them into drafts because of inaccurations and putting someone into a good light that hated me (a teacher). They were a lot more in depth than this post will be. I'm going to read into those posts later, and possibly make another post about this subject. I was talking to a few people on Facebook when I was in high school. But someone found me several years later in hydrocephalus groups on Facebook that started to send others my way right away. I found out through some of these people, and in the hydrocephalus groups about people who had to sit out completly because of their shunts. From what I remember most of these people were/are older than me by a decade. If you're just recently looking into my blog current shunt technology really started to improve in 1962 with a shunt that Roald Dahl helped invent to help his Son who has hydrocephalus. Before his shunt the technology exisisted but it was far more dangerous, which says a lot considering how bad things can still get now. So the survival rate really started to improve at this point. Which is why I've never really met anyone with congenital hydrocephalus (either online or in person) that is currently much older than 60. There was rules regarding football and contact sports that had to be taken seriously in my case, and they were. My 5th grade teacher noticed how bad I was doing athletically. I ended up in Adaptive P.E for 2 years which was either 1 on 1, or 1 on 2. It helped a lot, although I've made no attempt at sports since High School. I had at least 2 adults in my life that was making a huge attempt at making me feel like that I was mentally retarded. The adaptive P.E instead went out of the way to do the opposite. There was other stuff going on at the that made me black out things that the 2 other adults were doing to make me feel the wrong way about myself. But even though it was the same period, I either never forgot the words that the instructer used to make me feel better, or it was far easier for me to remember how he thought of me. Look through my labels at the end of the web version of this post for my post about Roald Dahl. I'll be working on a more indepth post about him soon. I haven't been able to work on more indepth posts for a while for multiple reasons. Thanks for reading!

Participating in a Special Ed Track Meet against my will (in 5th grade).

Before I start I have no medical problems other than hydrocephalus. The last 14 years has worn me out, mostly having to deal with the problems with my shunt. When I was in Elementary especially later on I had trouble running because of my ankles, dealt with my speech impediment, and motor skills. Special Ed classes didn't start until Middle School, and it made me normal enough because of the other kids in the class. We would have a feeder school track meet for Elementary Schools going into the High Schools in the district. They went through the process of finding the fastest kids in each participating class in each grade. I didn't expect to not come in last. I didn't question it when I was called into the office to be given a shirt the day of the track meet, and was sent along with everyone else. I wasn't told at all what was going on until I was called to run with kids from other Elementary Schools that actually had severe physical/developmental disorders. We all got a blue ribbon after, my main it just as far a the closest trash can. I had no choice than go through with it, and get out of the view of the other students as fast as I could. This changed the way I see myself immediately. People are way more likely to jump to assumpations about me as an adult than when I was a kid. I'll post again if I find a way to deal with it, other than complaining whenever someone makes themseleves obvious. Purposely getting away from certain people has been the best option so far, but not always possible. One thing I didn't mention at first. My Parents weren't notified at all, and my Dad was pissed. My Teacher that year went out of his way to have my back, and the Principal did too. They would have found out last minute without being able to get me out of the situation.

Reflection on journey in struggling with low self esteem/ self hatred with hopes it will help someone else.

At this point I've been writing for two and a half years, and I've covered most of what I've wanted to cover a long time ago. I intend on keeping it up until I manage to completely run out of topics, or if something happens that stops me from getting internet access. This along with other recent topics is something that's been bothering me for a while. Instead of venting I want others to get something out of it, especially if it's someone who younger or just not as self-aware yet.

Through several different stages in life I've become more and more aware of what people think of me and deal with self-hatred on different levels. I've known that I'm different for as long as I can remember but it was when I started school that I learned that my differences could and would be taken advantage and used against any different forms including physical. Over time in Elementary School I realized that my good friends were few and far between. I at least thought that it was because who I am and the major differences seen in me. I now know that people with Hydrocephalus even very young tend to be really socially awkward and anxious, so that probably part of the problem as well. Except for my speech impediment what hit the hardest at the time was in Physical Education when I was always the kid that was last to be picked and had to be forced onto a team. I wouldn't have wanted "me" to be on a sports team either, and I always dreaded having to play anyway. It was just a reminder of the differences I have/had because of Hydrocephalus. I had to acknowledge my shunt when I was asked to play a contact sport but it was almost something that went farther than that and it was almost always something that bothered me.

The second major stage was when I was in the Fifth grade and without my Parent's knowledge or letting me know what was happening I was sent to a Elementary age Track meet and had to race with other special needs kids, except what I thought at the time was obvious and still think to a certain point was that I was far more functioning than all the others. I don't mean disrespect to anyone reading this but except for a couple Special Education classes each year for my learning disability specifically and later on organizational problems I was in normal classes with everyone else and even the Special Education classes including mostly of peers where there's nothing different except for a problem with learning. Of course I don't know what most of my peers thought of me but that definitely caused me to really start to be paranoid about it. Someone that I've mentioned before and did the opposite was the specialist for Adaptive Physical Education when I was in the Fifth grade and Junior High. He really showed a difference in the way he spoke to and treated me compared to another kid with more major disabilities especially when it was a one on one session. I purposely act out more and rebel in the "goodie two shoes" way that I had before because it was obvious to me that it wasn't helping me making any friends. If I would have waited just more year, I would have realized that my good friends in Junior and High school would have accepted me the way I was before. It would have probably saved me a lot of pain later on.

What I wish I would have known about Hydrocephalus as a kid (part 2)

This is the second part of a post that I wrote several months ago, and intended to finish a lot sooner or not at all. Part of the reason why I'm writing a second part to it now is so that I could refer to it later on instead of writing a post that will end up being several pages long. The link below is the first part.

http://timothy-landry.blogspot.com/2013/07/what-i-wish-i-would-have-known-about.html

If you're someone I've known for more than 5 years you its most likely to never have known that I have Hydrocephalus. It was someone that my teachers knew about but wasn't spoken about unless it was somehow brought up or on a need to know basis. Especially at church, I'm not sure who was told about and who wasn't. I assume that more of my caregivers were told about it when I was younger and my speech was still pretty limited. I only started to tell people about it when my actual started to become a problem in 2009. I started talking to other people with Hydrocephalus on Facebook at the same time, and everyday challenges with Hydrocephalus were brought up early on and it sparked a interest. It wasn't until then that it's normal for people with Hydrocephalus to have the same problems learning as me.

My source is the Hydrocephalus Association's teacher's guide's third section which explains a lot of the problems I had in school and church, most of them I didn't think of having to do with Hydrocephalus. The first couple of things that I could really relate to in the guide have to do specifically with Nonverbal learning disability. It mentions that problems seem to become more noticeable around junior high and children (and of course adults) with Hydrocephalus or just nonverbal learning disability tend to have problems with math. I did start to really struggle during the last couple years of elementary more than before, and it got worse during the transition from Elementary to junior high. With math I had a few setbacks but I did pretty well until high school Algebra. I ended up graduating high school without ever actually passing Algebra or Geometry. They would have me take a lower math class and I would do great, but when I would try Algebra I bomb and fail the class every time.

Something else that's mentioned in the guide is Fine motor skills, which I'm sure which a problem was because how big of a problem it was outside of school but it's something that was easier to deal with in school than anything else. It's something that's mistaken less for a lack of effort, and it's something that I always knew had to do with Hydrocephalus. I remember it being a bigger problem at church specifically for the mid-week Boy Scout type programs for elementary school aged kids. During the first couple years it just meant that I had to ask someone to help me cut paper for projects, but later on when the projects were more about learning to tie different knots and building birdhouses I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it. I was getting really frustrated a few weeks in and the amount of issues I had with fine motor skills was beyond just asking for help once in a while. The one specific experience having to do with fine motor skills that I have to do with school is when they had all the students tie a ribbon to a fence to make some sort of design or to spell something. I got anxious knowing that I wasn't able to and ended up having to admit that I couldn't do when I was questioned about it by a staff member and watch her tie it for me in front of my peers. It also mentions handwriting which I got a lot of help with from a teacher in elementary but it's something I still have some problems with especially if the paper I'm using doesn't have lines. It's eligible though and usually when I have to write a lot it's done on a computer.

The first thing that comes to mind in the visual motor skills section is finding my place in a book which was a problem then and still ends up being a problem once in a while in the workplace. It's also probably what caused me to not be able to space things out very well when I had to draw.

The next part of the section is organizational skills which automatically think of struggling to make and break habits, which would result and still does end up resulting in things not being done either because I would constantly forget to do something day after day or because of letting things, specifically assignments in school get organized. The few times I tried to use a organizer to write down my assignments it would last a few days but as soon as it was something that wasn't strictly in forced I would begin to forget about it which pretty much killed the purpose of having it in the first place. I would also consistently not use folders and toss stuff into my backpack which would result in a black whole effect and by the time I would find it again it would be crumpled up or not even in one piece. I think this is one of the major things that would have helped a lot if it was known about. It was the major reason why I was kept in special education classes. I don't know if it could have been handled differently, but if it could have it sure would have helped. The section also mentions not being able to follow a set of instructions which definitely was and still is a problem, especially if it was verbal instructions as a group. I would get stuck on something and get a few steps behind and not be able to complete the assignment.

Memory was something that was clearly a problem very early on at church when each of the kids would be asked to memorize a verse and they would erase one word at a time. I would always be the last to remember and be able to recite it. It was frustrating especially in front of everyone else but it meant a lot to me that the group leader wouldn't give up until I got it or get noticeable frustrated with me. It became a problem in junior high when I couldn't answer questions or recite something right after I read something in a text book or essay. It continued to be a problem in all through school but it was so frustrating my first year that I didn't put much effort into it and get by with really low grades and ending up not finishing high school on time. It's something that's even more frustrating in church small groups which have made me try to avoid anything where small groups are part of it.

The last section I'm going to mention is attention problems. There are a few sections that I've skipped but this is a long enough post without them, so I just picked the ones I could personally relate the most to. If you're interested I encourage you to check out the guide or even just that specific section. Struggling with attention ended up resulting almost has to go on Ritalin and being misdiagnosed with attention deficit disorder. This and memory effected my school performance too more than other things, and if it was possible it would have really helped getting more help in these two areas.

Thanks for reading, I hope that I've hope you understand me, yourself or whoever you may know that has Hydrocephalus or nonverbal learning disability. I hope that I've helped someone get something out of this, and make things easier for you. I'm going to write more about this subject in the next couple of months and my next post will be the one that is going to refer to this one. Below is a few links to Hydrocephalus foundations and the teacher guide I've been referring to and also a sample of my handwriting that I sent to a friend.


http://www.hydroassoc.org/docs/A_Teachers_Guide_to_Hydrocephalus.pdf

http://www.hydroassoc.org/

Pediatric Hydrocephalus Foundation--> http://www.hydrocephaluskids.org/wordpress/

This is a sample of my handwriting that I sent to a friend. I decided to make my handwriting more creative to entertain a couple of teachers in the process of doing my work. It worked and it's something that stuck, but ended up getting more sloppy over the years. Notice how the spacing is off? The size of the letters is kind of too but that's the main thing a teacher in Elementary school helped me with.

Connection between childhood bullying and social anxiety as a adult

I'm going to try to start posting every third week instead of every other week for a while. If that doesn't work well either I'll take a break from writing again. I've made commitments that has to do with Hydrocephalus and social media, I intend on keeping them but other than that I'll like to try to start thinking on the condition less even if dealing with headaches, the way people see me and my speech impediment makes it pretty hard not to. This post has to do with the way people see me, or at least the way that I think people see me.

I can't remember when I started having social anxiety, but I know I had it when the physical bullying stopped close to the end of the 4th grade. I get noticeably anxious in a way, where especially I'm in a group of people that I don't know well that I do what I can to avoid socializing. It also makes me paranoid of what people think of me, and usually gives me the impression that people are picking on me or making fun of me when they're not. If they are it makes me overreact often. Anxiety problems in general has also had an effect on my sleep. I realize that a lot of people have problems sleeping because of anxiety but it's something that's been a constant with me since at least high school a decade ago.

I thought that it was caused directly by Hydrocephalus until about the last year or so. I found on talking a few others and sharing experiences with each other, most of them people that I've met online because of Hydrocephalus but not all of them. I've heard about anxiety disorders, especially Post traumatic stress disorder being the most common, but most of the time it had to do with domestic violence and experiences in the military overseas. I didn't consider it being really traumatic until thinking about my past more recently. It was a pretty constant thing during the school year, and off and on I was being physically hurt during the experiences. Unless something happens or someone says that really reminds me of something that happened I've blocked out in my mind too.

Thanks for reading, this is something that has been bothering me a lot often and I needed to get it out rather or not it was time to write a post. I've got some ideas that I've meaning to work on, but most of my posts are probably going to be more ranting than anything in the near future.

My personal experience with falling behind in the Public school system

This post is inspired by teacher friends, and a few parent friends. The first two parent friends that came to mind when I decided to write are both people I've met through the Hydrocephalus community. I'm writing this because of the Common core curriculum. I don't know much about it personally except from what I've seen from friend's posts and what I read about it online when preparing for this post. From what I understanding part of it is weekly tests trying to get kids on the same level. I'm sure there's a lot more to it but this is the part I'm going to focus on. I've provided some links at the bottom of this post for more information.

Most of my early years were focused on therapy for motor skills and speech problems. I started writing and reading at close to the normal time when other kids in my class was. I really hated writing but I had a few teachers and experiences that changed that. My first was my Third grade teacher, and also father of a childhood friend. I had a habit of writing in really big letters, which I've learned within the last couple years that might have to do with depth perception, but it was also something I was doing on purpose. I hated writing enough that I wanted to write as big as I could so I could fill up the space on the paper I needed to but with using minimal words. When I was in his class helped me stop the habit, even if it really frustrated with him about it at the time. It was also the same teacher who started to actually get me into writing with a few specific writing problems that helped me discover that I could really enjoy writing if I was inspired to be creative. At some point between that point and Junior high I also learned to express my emotion into writing, which mostly ended up being anger and also it wasn't something I would write directly about it. I would hide it but use it in certain characters or their actions. What inspired me even more was being limited to a specific subject for research papers in Junior high. I decided early on in Junior high to really think outside the box the next time I was able to pick out my subject, and write about something I could really get into. It resulted in excelling in papers, and usually getting close to the page limit. If I remember right the written part of my Senior project ended up being the page limit at 12 or 13 pages.

I was still one of the last to finish a writing project in the 5th grade though. I don't remember what it was about but the teacher made the students who didn't finish on time stand outside during recess try to finish. We were expected to finish but the only things we were able to use to write on was the ground or brick wall. The brick wall would cause us to poke holes in our paper and the cement ground didn't help much either. We also had the distraction of the other kids playing. Obviously none of us finished so we had to stay after school until we did. It wasn't the first time I had to stay after school for similar reasons, but usually it would be for something one on one. It was the first time and one of few times that I was embarrassed by a teacher over my learning disability. The other time had more to do with self-image and that was when I was sent to a Elementary school Track and field event and finding out when I was called out to the track for it that I was putting into a race with a bunch of kids with a lot more severe physical and mainly intellectual disabilities than mine. If either me or my parents would have been told about what was going to happen, I would have definitely bailed. I don't want to offend anyone by mentioning this, but I want to and wanted to be associated to be as "normal" as possible.

When I was being held after class or being tutored in some way it was usually because I had a really hard time understanding something, for example in the Fourth grade when I was learning how to play the viola and the multiplication table. It's something that worked time after time, and usually if it didn't happen I would be quick to fail. Thankfully now that I'm working it's something that I end up dealing with a lot less because almost every job I've had included one on one training or something that I could figure out on my own.

I learned pretty early on that I had a really difficult time with memory, mostly with short term and working memory. It started out with me always being the last to remember a weekly bible verse in a Christian based type boy scout group in the First and Second grades. The really big blow came in the Sixth grade when after focusing mainly on catching up using therapies in Elementary school I started a translation into several separate classes, a lot more homework and tests. I ended up doing very little homework and failing my tests until my Individualized Education Program meeting a couple months into the school year. I was failing all my core classes already. I had to put a lot of hard work into that year and my learning disability really started to show. The major problems I had off the top of my head was not being able to remember or at least express what I had just read right after I read it, understanding homework, and being able to store enough in my working memory to be able to pass a test the following day. I spent a lot of time doing homework that wasn't supposed to take that long to complete, and really struggled to pass tests. For most of that year even if I was working as hard as I way (along with my Dad that was helping me) I was only getting the average grade of a C. It was really discouraging to know that my friends were getting higher grades and seemed to have to work a lot less for it. I ended up just barely getting by during the rest of Junior high and failing a lot of classes during my first couple years of High school, which ended up causing me not to be able to catch up fast enough to graduate with my class. I wanted to drop out the entire time but I knew my parents wouldn't give me permission and by the time I turned 18 I was only half a credit from graduating so it would have been really foolish not to go for it.

Reading and hearing about Common core makes think about how much I struggled. I don't know what I would have done with myself if I would have had to start to have to remember information so early on for tests on a regular. Then no matter how hard I tried to end up falling behind on those tests and fall behind in that way behind peers. I honestly feel bad for kids with learning disabilities who have to deal with that blow right away, without at least in a way enjoying their first few years of school first.

If you're curious to learn more about my experiences in school I have all of my posts labeled, so those will send you to similar posts. Thanks for reading, while I hope that you may have learned something new about me, I especially hope that you've learned something about yourself or someone that you love and care about.

www.corestandards.org/

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/09/04/critics-claim-common-core-brings-chaos-not-accountability-to-classroom/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/common-core-curriculum

http://www.hydroassoc.org/docs/A_Teachers_Guide_to_Hydrocephalus.pdf

http://www.hydrocephaluskids.org/wordpress/ <--Pediatric Hydrocephalus Foundation, including state chapters in 35 states currently and the Washington D.C area. The list of State chapters can be found if you scroll down the page some in the "contact us" section.

Attention needed from schools for children with Hydrocephalus (a view point of someone living with it)

Sorry I'm a few days late, I ended up working a really weird schedule this week and didn't have much time except for working and sleeping. I also had a hard time picking out a topic. I had some ideas but nothing that I could write a significant amount about it, and some that I feel would be going off too much off subject. I've decided to go back to a subject that I've talked about before. One of my main goals for this blog is to help people, and while I don't know about this from a parent's point of view I can write about this on a point of view of someone with the condition itself and from what my parent's have told me. I'm going to talking about what was does to keep me safe in Elementary school, and I realize that it's different for everyone. Some had more limitations because their childhood experiences with Hydrocephalus is a lot different, or because their parents or teachers were more cautious usually because it was a different time period.

With me most of what was done when I was participating in mainstream classes, I was unaware of until years later. I did have speech therapy until high school,and a few years of adaptive P.E, both in small groups or one on one along with a Individualized Education Program meeting each year. Each thing up until Special Ed classes starting in Middle school were things that I was pulled out of class for. So I still participated in regular P.E and it wasn't too obvious that I was getting help with either thing, although it's always been pretty obvious that I have a speech impediment, especially in Elementary school.

One thing that should be done with anyone with a shunt is that is either young or not be able to recognize their shunt malfunction symptoms is to have someone who knows what they are to look after the person. This includes parents,teachers or any other care taker. I didn't know that they were, and for years every time is was brought up I didn't know what they meant by it. Some did a better job than others and in some cases a lot better of a job, but with most it feels good now that they made a point to do that for me. Thankfully nothing major ever came up and except for the shunt placement as a toddler I had a surgery free childhood.

Another thing was that I couldn't play contact sports because if I got hurt it might have damaged my shunt. It might not sound fair to some people, but it was the one thing that my neurosurgeon told my parents I shouldn't do. I wasn't interested in playing sports anyway because of other physical limitations caused by Hydrocephalus. I learned a few years ago that many kids were left out completely out of P.E and had to sit out everyday. Most of these people were born a decade or two before me, and they were the first generation of kids to be born with Hydrocephalus to have survivors who could function, due to the invention of the modern day shunt. But there are some that are closer to my age who still had to sit out. My P.E teacher never had me sit out, instead she made rules that everyone had to follow that allowed me to play football, dodge-ball etc etc. The few times the activity was something that I wasn't supposed to do she made it a option for others to sit out too so I wouldn't be alone. If it something I needed help with due to physical limitations or not having depth perception when it came to gymnastics, I was it was offered help or given it without option.

 The one thing that was done that I was hadn't been done, was when she (or the school) had been participate in the track and field day at one of the high schools in the district. They didn't explain to me what was going on at all, and neither did my parents or they wouldn't have let it happen. They had me participate in a run with the more severely disabled kids. I don't mean to offend anyone, but there's a lot more I'm capable of than some others with disabilities. At least in high school the reason I stayed in Special Education classes was because of problems not getting into habits, and organizational problems. If it wasn't for done I would have been taken out of those classes my Junior year. It really hurt being compared to people with more severe disabilities in that way now. It hurts a lot more when I get treated that way now, but that was a major part in realizing what people think of me.

I'll love to talk more about this subject either on social media or by e-mail. It's the same with other topics, but this is one of the subjects I would like to talk about again in the near future using other people's experiences. Thanks for reading.

Pediatric Hydrocephalus Foundation

 http://www.hydrocephaluskids.org/wordpress/