my teenage years dealing with a neuro disorder

I'm working really early this week so I'm not going to be able to be online so I won't have time to blog this week,so I might as well get it over with now.This week I want to talk about my challenges with being a teenager with hydrocephalus,most or even all of what I'm going to talk about I had no idea at the time that it has anything to do with having a neurological disorder.Also if your pretty new to reading my blog I want to give a reminder that I've never had any revisions yet,and my shunt is "24+years and draining.." so this post has nothing to do with surgeries.

I tend to be a pack rat and I managed to never throw away a bunch of papers from my last semester of high school until just a couple months ago.While looking through them one last time before getting rid of them I was reminded about what I struggled the most with because of papers from counseling or in class.For example I've always struggled with being able to focus,and the result in class would be unfinished notes.I would start but by the end I would usually lose focus and never get them done.

When going through my counseling notes I noticed that everything that I wrote down that caused me the most stress had to do with hydrocephalus in one way or another.I always had a hard time opening up my locker,partially because of my hands and also I couldn't remember my combination.It wouldn't take long before I just gave up for the whole school and started to carry it all in my backpack.Either way of dealing it would have sucked,but trying to mess with my locker would have just made me late to my classes even more.Another thing that I wrote down that caused me the most stress,was dealing with my emotions.It's something else that I've always struggled with,and it was the first thing I learned about when I started to meet others with the same condition online.Apparently it's a direct effect of "brain problems" and it's something that is likely to only get worse when shunt failure happens.

High school was the biggest point of my life when I realized what people thought of me,but I didn't understand that that's what was causing me to be so angry at the time.Dealing with that,puberty and other problems and not knowing what was going on at all resulted with a lot of anger and I didn't know how to control it or where to put it,so I ended up letting me get really down and let it out on myself.I was also very bitter toward the doctors who had told my parents for a year and a half and that there was "nothing wrong with me".From what I knew I had just figured that my speech impediment and lack of muscle control had to do with the late diagnosis,and I figured that if they would have just diagnosed me on time that none of those problems would exist.I've found out sense that it has nothing to do with it directly,although it might have still something to do with it.I'll never know for sure what caused it,but I'll rather not know.Thanks for reading :)