My hardest time dealing with my self-image was in high school,when I really started to realise what people think of me.Even though it's something I'm dealing with again lately it's easier because I actually understand what's going on now,and it helps that I don't have to deal with puberty at the same time now.I know other people who have to deal with the same things,and I've learned a lot from them during the last couple years.Getting to know people and going to the hydrocephalus walk last November that it effects who we are,but in different ways and different levels.Rather it's how our brains end up working,or with how well in learn in general.
Since at least when I started school I knew I was different then everyone else,at least when it came to being behind when it came to motor skills and stages.Also I knew that not everyone had a shunt like me,and that's why they could play contact sports and I couldn't and for years that's all it meant to me.I knew it would malfunction at some point but that's not something that I thought about at all.What I did know is that I wasn't potty trained yet and wouldn't be for the rest of the school year,no matter how hard I tried.I knew that I had a speech impediment and unlike everyone else,it was something that I had started a year ago.It was just something that I had to work at though,and that didn't really matter to me.There's other things that I was years behind than everyone else and other than the lack of depth perception and running like a duck I couldn't tie my shoes.Unlike with other things that was something I could hide,and I did my best to do so.I remember the thought of doing some activity at school where I had to take off my shoes would terrify me,because it's not something I wanted to admit.Instead of asking for help,I would just try to hide my shoe laces inside my shoes.
Because I was different in this way,I ended up getting picked on a lot more than I was able to make friends.I had little friends and it was a while before I was able to make new friends,but I managed to keep the same bullies until they finally got caught by someone who was willing to actually do something about it.Even if I knew how different I was,it was all normal to me so I would deal with it without letting it effect me much.By the end of elementry school I was sick of being different and being lonely.I was willing to do anything to just make friends,and I knew that "living the right way" wasn't getting me there.So I changed my behavior to get make people to like me,and I thought it worked.It was when I realised that all I was doing was making a fool of myself,and that a lot of those friends weren't even close to being my friends is when I really started to have problems.
I really began to hate the world,and I didn't understand why I was who I was.I didn't know anyone else with hydrocephalus,and I hadn't had any contact with my neurosurgeon since before I started school,so I didn't know how many ways it could effect me.So I thought for a while that there had to be something wrong with me.My bitterness against the doctors that had told my parents that I didn't have hydrocephalus didn't help either.The reason I could think of that I had a speech impediment and struggled with others,was that I was diagnosed late.
I'm realizing all over again now what people think of me,rather it's with how "worse off" people I think I am or who I actually am.Except this time I know how hydro effects me,and I have others to talk to people about it.I know what I could put my anger into.For example writing is something I used to deal with my anger,and it ended up working better than anything else.It also ended up getting me the help I really needed at the time,because of a couple teachers who realized that I really had a problem.
I'm going to try to work on my blog whenever I had a day off,but for now that's usually going to be different days,because my days off are when my back up person at work can cover shifts.Thanks for reading :)
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Showing posts with label Muscle Control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Muscle Control. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
neuro side effects at work
Today I'm going to talk more about the neurological side effects of hydrocephalus and brain damage/injury in general.For more info read my last blog entry http://timothy-landry.blogspot.com/2012/01/neurological-side-effects-of-brain.html .I'm going to focus more on the ones that I've struggled with the most on how they've effected me at the different jobs I've had,hopefully in some way helping others. The ones I've struggled with the most are speech,vision,muscle strength,memory problems,balance,coordination,organization skills,keeping/breaking habits,and clumsiness.Out of these few of them have really made a impact on my work,but it's differents for everyone.I recently found out that alot of people with multi task for example but that's something I've personally never have had trouble with,it's actually something that I've been good at.
The ones out of these that I've struggled with the most while working is memory problems,organization,and not being able to keep a habit.Other than the ones listed above I've also struggled with are ataxia,the inability to focus,and also my emotions usually having to do with anger.It's hard to find info about what emotions has to with hydrocephalus online,unless it's about kids and adults dealing with emotions after or before surgery.The only reason that I know it has something to do with hydrocephalus is because of others with the condition that I've spoken to online.
The first job that I had that I really I really struggled at was Peter Piper Pizza,at least when it came to neurological side effects.Unless you live in Arizona you probably don't know what Peter Piper Pizza is.It's a Pizza chain in Arizona with a large dining room,and also a game room.Like it's main competer,Chuck E Cheese it's a place that mainly used for birthday parties,youth sports pictures,and for families with children. It was the only job I had where I couldn't focus sometimes.It would mainly be when what I was doing wouldn't keep me busy enough,and my reaction to that would usually be losing focus.At Peter Piper Pizza one of my main jobs was working the prize cabinet, which is where kids and and sometimes their parents would come trade in their tickets they had won from the games for prizes.It sounds really simple but I also had a problem keeping the toys and prizes where they belonged and they were just end up on the ground alot,and over time it would really start to pile up.This was mainly caused by my ataxia because my hands always shake so it's hard for me to do anything with my hands,and also not being to keep the habit of just picking it up each time.Something else that my ataxia caused me to struggle with was replacing the receipt tape for the ticket eater because you need to steady hand to be able to get it in correctly,I ended up having the same problem during the first several months that I worked in the produce department at my current job.A ticket eater is the machine that you feed your tickets into so it could count them and print up a reciept instead counting the tickets by hand.I also would bring the game keys often without knowing it until I got home,because I kept it in my pocket I wouldn't really think about it.
Except for my current job,my only other job was at a italian resturant where I was a busser for two years.My coordination and memory was a problem at times,for example the two years I worked there I never was able to memorize the table numbers.Also something a problem that me memory caused was trying to remember which customer I was getting something for,didn't help when they wouldn't make eye contact with me when I came back.Other than that the only other problem I had their that's worth mentioning had to do with closing.It was the closing busser's responsibility to be tipped out by the servers,write down how much I got from each server,keep that money on them and then split up the tips at the end of the night.Not only would I always forget to bring my pen to work,but I'll also forget to get change before closing,and on occasion I would lose track of money,something I've personally never been able to do well with my own money.
I've been working at my current job for 4 and a half years now,and I've been working in the produce department their for almost a year.organization,memory,ataxia,and keeping a habit.As a courtesy clerk I had trouble with the bags,they would stick togheter alot anyway but my hands didn't help either.I would also let empty bags pile up in my work area,but that was the worse of it.In Produce clerk I'm in charge of the cut fruit program which consists of fruit trays,melon slices and also "fruit cups".I've had problems making it a habit to do alot of the small things that has to do with the job like making it a habit to fill out my melon log.Another problem I've had is to remembering to let my manager know what I need for the order and once in a while that means going with out some supplies or getting it from another store.This is also my first job where I know what's causing these problems so it's alot easier to work on getting better,and I know I can overcome these obstacles like I've done or at least worked on for many others.
I plan to continue talking about this subject next week,but more about how it's affected other parts of my life.Thanks for reading :)
The ones out of these that I've struggled with the most while working is memory problems,organization,and not being able to keep a habit.Other than the ones listed above I've also struggled with are ataxia,the inability to focus,and also my emotions usually having to do with anger.It's hard to find info about what emotions has to with hydrocephalus online,unless it's about kids and adults dealing with emotions after or before surgery.The only reason that I know it has something to do with hydrocephalus is because of others with the condition that I've spoken to online.
The first job that I had that I really I really struggled at was Peter Piper Pizza,at least when it came to neurological side effects.Unless you live in Arizona you probably don't know what Peter Piper Pizza is.It's a Pizza chain in Arizona with a large dining room,and also a game room.Like it's main competer,Chuck E Cheese it's a place that mainly used for birthday parties,youth sports pictures,and for families with children. It was the only job I had where I couldn't focus sometimes.It would mainly be when what I was doing wouldn't keep me busy enough,and my reaction to that would usually be losing focus.At Peter Piper Pizza one of my main jobs was working the prize cabinet, which is where kids and and sometimes their parents would come trade in their tickets they had won from the games for prizes.It sounds really simple but I also had a problem keeping the toys and prizes where they belonged and they were just end up on the ground alot,and over time it would really start to pile up.This was mainly caused by my ataxia because my hands always shake so it's hard for me to do anything with my hands,and also not being to keep the habit of just picking it up each time.Something else that my ataxia caused me to struggle with was replacing the receipt tape for the ticket eater because you need to steady hand to be able to get it in correctly,I ended up having the same problem during the first several months that I worked in the produce department at my current job.A ticket eater is the machine that you feed your tickets into so it could count them and print up a reciept instead counting the tickets by hand.I also would bring the game keys often without knowing it until I got home,because I kept it in my pocket I wouldn't really think about it.
Except for my current job,my only other job was at a italian resturant where I was a busser for two years.My coordination and memory was a problem at times,for example the two years I worked there I never was able to memorize the table numbers.Also something a problem that me memory caused was trying to remember which customer I was getting something for,didn't help when they wouldn't make eye contact with me when I came back.Other than that the only other problem I had their that's worth mentioning had to do with closing.It was the closing busser's responsibility to be tipped out by the servers,write down how much I got from each server,keep that money on them and then split up the tips at the end of the night.Not only would I always forget to bring my pen to work,but I'll also forget to get change before closing,and on occasion I would lose track of money,something I've personally never been able to do well with my own money.
I've been working at my current job for 4 and a half years now,and I've been working in the produce department their for almost a year.organization,memory,ataxia,and keeping a habit.As a courtesy clerk I had trouble with the bags,they would stick togheter alot anyway but my hands didn't help either.I would also let empty bags pile up in my work area,but that was the worse of it.In Produce clerk I'm in charge of the cut fruit program which consists of fruit trays,melon slices and also "fruit cups".I've had problems making it a habit to do alot of the small things that has to do with the job like making it a habit to fill out my melon log.Another problem I've had is to remembering to let my manager know what I need for the order and once in a while that means going with out some supplies or getting it from another store.This is also my first job where I know what's causing these problems so it's alot easier to work on getting better,and I know I can overcome these obstacles like I've done or at least worked on for many others.
I plan to continue talking about this subject next week,but more about how it's affected other parts of my life.Thanks for reading :)
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
ataxia
I've decided that I'll be posting on Mondays and Thursdays on a regular basis.Thursday because it's usually my day off and Monday because it's about half way through my work week and I already know I won't be able to post during the weekend. However sense I have to post them from the library for right now I won't be able to post on bank holidays,but I'll let everyone know ahead of time.
Today I want to talk what has affected me the most,as least when it comes in hydrocephalus.It has affected how people see me more than anything,and sometimes it's affected how I function.It's also the main thing that caused me to take longer to learn things that other kids were able to learn alot earlier.It's also something that my parents were never told about when I growing up,causing them to wonder if it could be because of how long it took them to diagnose me or if it was something worse.
My topic for today is ataxia,which means "lack of order".It's a neurological symptom that usually stops after treatment (shunt placement or ETV for Hydrocephalus).However along with other symptoms it's not something that always goes away. It causes the nervous system to not work properly,and that results in a lack of Motor coordination.This may have been part of the reasons why I couldn't even hold myself up until my shunt was placed,but I know it has to do with alot other problems I have or had. I couldn't even speak until I was in preschool and it took years of hard work before I even got to the point where people could understand me,which is really disappointing now because of the chronic headache and daily migraines during the last couple years because my ability to speak is back to being worse as it was when I was about 10.So after all that hard work I'm back to the point where people can't understand what I'm saying.It also has affected my hands,to the point where I couldn't open door knobs as a kid,and that's something else that I've started to struggle with that again.It caused me to not be able to tie my own shoes until the fifth grade,something I was really ashamed of.The last thing it really impacted me as a kid was getting potty trained.I caught on while I was still young but it was after elementary,and it ended up being one of the things that started years of constant bullying.
Ataxia caused my hands to shake constantly started when I was about 8 or 9 something that was thought to be caused by early signs of Parkinson's,something that I'm very thankful that it's not.It was also thought to be caused by being hyper,I've always been borderline adhd.I was diagnosed in elementary school but I was tested again my senior year and found out that I don't have it.Something else that I thought that I had caused it was my late diagnosis,and that caused me to be angry with the doctors that had told my parents that I didn't have hydrocephalus,and that there was nothing was wrong me.I'll never know if ataxia would have affected me differently or if at all if I would have been diagnosed earlier but it's also something that I'll rather now know,thanks for reading.
Today I want to talk what has affected me the most,as least when it comes in hydrocephalus.It has affected how people see me more than anything,and sometimes it's affected how I function.It's also the main thing that caused me to take longer to learn things that other kids were able to learn alot earlier.It's also something that my parents were never told about when I growing up,causing them to wonder if it could be because of how long it took them to diagnose me or if it was something worse.
My topic for today is ataxia,which means "lack of order".It's a neurological symptom that usually stops after treatment (shunt placement or ETV for Hydrocephalus).However along with other symptoms it's not something that always goes away. It causes the nervous system to not work properly,and that results in a lack of Motor coordination.This may have been part of the reasons why I couldn't even hold myself up until my shunt was placed,but I know it has to do with alot other problems I have or had. I couldn't even speak until I was in preschool and it took years of hard work before I even got to the point where people could understand me,which is really disappointing now because of the chronic headache and daily migraines during the last couple years because my ability to speak is back to being worse as it was when I was about 10.So after all that hard work I'm back to the point where people can't understand what I'm saying.It also has affected my hands,to the point where I couldn't open door knobs as a kid,and that's something else that I've started to struggle with that again.It caused me to not be able to tie my own shoes until the fifth grade,something I was really ashamed of.The last thing it really impacted me as a kid was getting potty trained.I caught on while I was still young but it was after elementary,and it ended up being one of the things that started years of constant bullying.
Ataxia caused my hands to shake constantly started when I was about 8 or 9 something that was thought to be caused by early signs of Parkinson's,something that I'm very thankful that it's not.It was also thought to be caused by being hyper,I've always been borderline adhd.I was diagnosed in elementary school but I was tested again my senior year and found out that I don't have it.Something else that I thought that I had caused it was my late diagnosis,and that caused me to be angry with the doctors that had told my parents that I didn't have hydrocephalus,and that there was nothing was wrong me.I'll never know if ataxia would have affected me differently or if at all if I would have been diagnosed earlier but it's also something that I'll rather now know,thanks for reading.
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