Personal experience on dealing with a learning disability at work.

Growing up and then up until I started doing research for my blog when I was around at 26, I thought that a lot of the panicking I did from having a learning disability, and possibly from other things that has to do with my brain anatomy was from me being lazy, or lacking motivation to put effort into my schoolwork. I got one on one help with my homework in the Sixth grade, but between the work load, my learning disability, and my memory in general it would take me hours each night, and sometimes cut into my sleep if not almost always. With all the effort I put into it that year I would still mostly only get C's. That part I was fully aware that it wasn't my fault, because a big part of it had to do with my low test schools. I would cram for tests and memorize as much as I could before the test, and then purposely forget everything so I would be able to do the same thing for the next test. So I would get to the point where it would be time for midterms, or finals and be screwed. It didn't help that my circle of friends were mostly honor roll students that year, and it at least felt like since they seemed to be stressing out far less about it, so I decided that it wasn't worth putting in the effort. 

When I decided to refuse help after the Sixth grade I would routinely forget to do my homework, and only remember the next morning when I got to School. I had to take a class my Freshman and Sophomore years that had to do with keeping track of homework, practicing note taking things among other things. I can't remember how much of that class included actually doing homework, but regardless it wasn't enough time. I flunked my Freshman year by half a credit, and I was flunking half of my classes at some point during my Sophomore year. A Teacher I had the next two years eventually made forced me to complete all of my homework in her class knowing that if I didn't get it done in School, that there was no way that I would be turning in those assignments, or at least not on time. Somehow she helped me get caught up, and was only half a credit short of graduating on time. 

When I was confronted about missing assignments usually during my IEP meeting finding those assignments involved fishing them out of my backpack. I would panic to pack up before class and throw any assignments I had directly into my backpack. I would always intend to reorganize my backpack later on, and of course it would only had several weeks after School started during my IEP meeting while trying to find specific assignments that ended up crushed in the bottom of my backpack. The same teacher that forced me to do my homework in my class, put a end to this habit as well. Although my backpack was still very messy, and barely organized if at all. Another thing was difficulty in forming habits, specifically hygiene and doing something specific in a class each day. What comes to mind right away when it comes to trouble forming habits is a assignment in 8th Grade Social Studies where we learned about the stock market, and we had to pick stocks and keep track of them daily for several weeks. I loved the idea but after a few days I unintentionally broke the habit of doing it. Not thinking to ask for help catching up, or possibly being nervous about it I ended up dropping the ball completely, and not completing the assignment for the next several weeks.

None of these things stopped being a problem after School ended. If anything it got harder in ways because in School most teachers were aware of learning disabilities, and in a way knew how to deal with it. I had a IEP, and had 2 or 3 Special Ed classes. On a side note I ended up staying or eventually ended up in those 2 out of 3 of those classes because of my black hole of a backpack, and refusing tutoring when it came to complex math classes. Knowing and talking to very regularly to two different people that has the same neurological disorder and learning disability that I do whom actually does put in the effort, or did while in School, I've learned that I probably would have freaked out. If I would have managed to not have missing assignments, then increasing the workload would have caused me to panic, and not get my work done.

As an adult, and working my learning disability has affected me in ways that wasn't as noticeable when I was in School. The two main things is grasping concepts, and having it take forever for me to pick up speed with new concepts. This only became a problem for the most part when I started working at Kroger. The only time my learning disability showed in restaurants jobs was when I would panic, especially in kitchen jobs when I would have to juggle multiple tasks at the same time and be risking burning food or not getting my part of the order out on time.

 

My position for Kroger is produce clerk, and I've been in the same department for almost 10 years. I was promoted from a courtesy clerk when my division restarted their cut fruit program. They had tried it at least other time before Kroger bought my division out. It lasted for 3 and a half years before they started to source it out, and it took me around 2 years before I was fast enough to always get everything done on time. I did strictly cut fruit for almost 2 years. After that for over 7 years including occasional "manager" shifts at stores that had 2 day loads where there was no ordering required the day of my shift. For the 8 months I've been strictly in the wet rack position. Basically everything that's on the wall or aisle in produce where everything needs to be kept wet is my job, including cucumbers, squash, and peppers because it's usually in the same section.Either each specific position or in general I had, and still have problems with organizational skills (especially when I panic), and forming habits. In addition I have trouble grasping concepts, or understanding the point of things. The trouble with concepts, and finding the point in things has to do with nonverbal learning disability as well. But it's either more obvious to me now, or there just isn't any childhood examples that come to mind.

Most if not all of my managers over the last 10 years, both store and produce managers has been understanding of my learning disability and usually without me having to explain. Certain managers gave me or provided me with enough hands on training where I don't really have a problem any new concepts anymore. What was done recently to avoid me panicking really badly when corporate or store policies change is to give me more than one day to switch over to whichever way things are supposed to be done. The way that I eventually got better at organizational skills is realizing how much extra effort I have to put in to fix everything after, and remembering that. I have a backpack for personal use because I don't drive or have a roommate who does. It still gets messy quickly, so I'm not sure how realizing that solution earlier would have helped. When it comes to habits what I started to do is write every habit that I forget at work, and when I'm confident that I've learned that habit, I cross it off. No comment on how long it took to make a habit to write down my list of habits that I need to make a habit of. 

One of the main reasons that I've stayed in the same department for so long is because I want to avoid a learning curve in a completely new department. There however is other departments that I've helped in that I struggled far less in. So if there's ever a problem in my department that won't resolve itself I have options that I'm not too nervous about. Just a reminder I haven't completely resolved all of these problems after almost 10 years of doing the same job. But it has gotten far easier to deal with. My point of this post was to encourage others with similar learning difficulties, trying to help those people be understood, and provide possible solutions.

Chronic pain (Part one): What I want others to know.

I've refrained from posting anything that from posting about my current health issues on my blog because I don't know if anyone I know if any of my acquaintances that aren't trusted enough for me to be friends with them on Facebook, or upper management from my work ever looks at my blog or will find it. I'm assuming that if anyone in corporate has found it that it would have been brought up to me or one of my managers at some point. I've had ongoing issues that partially mostly has to do with my hydrocephalus, but having do with other health problems as well that has caused me to have a constant splitting headache since the end of 2010, and daily headaches for about a year and a half before that. By constant I don't mean daily or off and on, I mean it never goes away. Before anyone asks I've been seeing doctors including my neurosurgeon for the majority of the time that it's been going on. They've found at least one of the sources of it that does have to do with my Hydrocephalus, but we're having issues fixing it. I do also plan on getting back on track with some of those doctors soon, and if things still don't work out I intend on getting other opinions. So my topic today is about what I want people that I know about my chronic pain. I also hope that it helps others that have the same kind of issues, rather it's encouraging to them or it's something that they can share with others so that they can understand their pain as well. 

I've never been prescribed stronger pain meds, just low dose anti-depressants and low dose anti-seizure meds by multiple doctors to try to "fix" the problems that way. None of them have worked and the Botox treatment they tried worked enough that I couldn't really tell any difference going through the process. But I could definitely feel it when it stopped working several months later. I would be willing to constantly be going with the Botox treatment but I wasn't but the part that the insurance doesn't cover adds up really quickly, and I can't afford to keep going. So instead I take over the counter meds, usually just at work and especially on days where a lot of heavy lifting is done because I work in the produce department at a grocery store. It might not seem like a job that requires heavy lifting, but most produce boxes/containers are at least 30 pounds, and the a lot are between 45 and 60. I've gotten some slack for calling that heavy lifting from people whose jobs require to lift a lot more, but it's a lot for someone with health issues like mine and for someone that has never has a job where I have to lift 100+ pounds. It took a while to even remotely get used to lifting that much, and it helped me burn fat and gain a significant amount of muscle over time. I also assume that it works the same for lifting even heavier amounts. Back to the subject, it gets pretty obvious that I take pain killers more often than people are usually advised to , and what I keep on hand at work looks like a lot, especially considering there's some things that I don't take regularly. I've gotten slack from some coworkers about it, some that I've been open to them about my chronic pain, and others almost not at all because I'm afraid that they'll use that information against me, which has happened in the past. It's not something that is recommended to take on a regular basis, but my health problems are not normal and I've gotten the okay for all the doctors I've been seeing recently to keep on taking it that way. There is also a difference between what is commonly recommended dosage on pain killers to take on the bottle, and how much doctors will say it's okay to take if you're a chronic pain sufferer (depending on the doctor of course). I almost always take closer to the higher 2nd recommended dosage, and I'll admit that sometimes I take more than I should. The people who freak out that I take pain killers, or some others that don't usually freak out when they see me taking more than it says on the bottle to take. Also pain killers doesn't completely take away my pain, it just puts a dent in it, it just makes it more tolerable and makes me function better. 

The first year or two dealing with frequent and then chronic pain was the worse, after barely getting headaches at all for 20 years despite living with a neurological disorder my whole life. But after that in a way I got used to, of course I'll never completely get used to it, especially since considering how the last several years has gone, that it will keep on getting worse until there's something done about it. During this time I couldn't really hide my pain, and the majority of my complaining about it, either in person, or on Facebook was during this time. I started to lose friends at this point, not just because I started to have to cancel plans and slowly stop attending things outside of work, but because of all the complaining I did on social media about it. People who especially didn't understand, just saw me frequently complaining on Facebook overlooking the reason behind it. So there's some that assume that deleted me because of it, and some that were straight forward that they were sick of seeing my negative posts "every time they opened Facebook" and deleted or blocked me over it. After that time period it became in a way that I can't really explain, a different kind of pain. It's gotten worse since then, but still a different kind of pain that I don't need to complain about it as often. It also got old to me as well, complaining about something that's not going away, especially during that period of time when I wasn't really doing anything about after trying the first 2 or 3 times. I complain once in a while on Facebook, but refrain on it because I don't feel the need to complain as much as I did for years, but I get tired of the way the posts get responded to. I also don't to have it seem that I'm doing it to get attention, I do it as a way to vent. Also the greeting of "How are you?" changes with you have chronic pain, and from what I've noticed from interacting with customers at work that it happens when your life just really sucks too. It doesn't feel like a greeting to me, and definitely to others with chronic pain considering what I've learned from other chronic pain sufferers. It feels more like a question, instead of a greeting. There's some that actual want to know how someone is doing when asking that question, but even with the majority of those people "I feel like shit" or a equivalent (less obscene) response to that isn't a reasonable response. So especially someone that you don't know, which is more common when you work in customer service "good" is the only reasonable response, which is also typically the 2nd part of the greeting. I and others with chronic pain feel like we're lying to someone when we answer the question we feel like we're lying to them. If I'm talking to customer then I respond with a positive answer, which still might not always be good. But if I'm talking to someone that I know, again it's usually at work when I'm asked that question I tend to skip answering then ask them how they are instead. I realize it's rude, but the majority of people that ask me are the same ones that would get just as butt hurt if I answered with something along the lines as "I feel like shit". I definitely really don't want to answer with "good" when I can, but I haven't decided which other way of answering would be the rudest. 

I have ways of dealing with it, rather those ways may be natural or not. One way is I've become a hermit, and I usually only break out of my shell when I have to force myself to at work. This could be taken two ways, the first being that I don't attend as many activities outside of work as much as I use to, or as much as I wish to. I've had multiple friends cut me off because of this too, not understanding how much it takes out of me. If not intentionally, because I'm just not at those social functions in the first place. The second way and the main point I'm trying to make is that I tend to not pay as much to my surroundings. I live in a pretty sketchy neighborhood, so if I'm walking to or back from somewhere I force myself to pay attention more. I do that at work mostly on the sales floor when on the clock, because customers wouldn't know what I'm dealing with so it's just assumed that I'm being rude and inattentive. Unless I'm really stressed or just have to be really huffing it, which makes it harder to not be a hermit. I'm probably more of a hermit in social situations, not even just at social functions but when I'm out doing things like running errands.  Being a hermit, even when I force myself to be more social, causes me to miss overhearing things that people expect me to, or how I use to do it before my health problems started kicked into gear. Being a hermit is probably equally as much if not more of just a part of my body dealing with chronic pain. The second way I deal with it not so much, at least not on purpose at first. It's mind over matter, which in the beginning I had ways of doing it that would make the pain almost unnoticeable. But when the pain got worse, those ways of dealing with it stopped working almost completely. But those ways that I prefer not to mention what they were, isn't technically mind over matter. Mind over matter is focusing your mind on something else, so that you feel the pain less. Some claim that it doesn't work or doesn't work for them, but they tend to not be trying hard enough, or don't understand how it works. The way that works the best for me, is keeping my mind busy at work, doesn't work as well when I don't have as much to focus on outside of work. Chronic pain also builds over pain tolerance over time, as in my head would hurt a lot more and I wouldn't be able to function at all if it would as hit me as hard as it is now. Much less painful headaches use to cause me not to be able to function in the beginning, which also goes along with my point of it being a different kind of pain earlier on. It also makes any other pain that I have that's not associated with the headache a lot less noticeable, which can be a real problem. For example, if I don't see myself cut myself or see a cut reopen, it usually results in me bleeding and not realizing it until I see the blood. 

I have more that I was going to post about on chronic pain, but it's an important and will probably get a lot of views, so I don't want to bury what needs to be said in this post. I plan to post about this subject at least a third time, so if there's anything that anyone to know about chronic pain or if you would like to do a guest blog and speak about your own experience with it, or anything neurological related in addition to it please contact me. Either on the comments or contact me via E-mail, via Facebook or on the several social media sites that I'll be posting this to. Thanks for reading :) 

Importance of therapies early on instead of later from personal experience

I meant to write this on Friday but I've been keeping busy at work so I haven't had much time to put a post together. I've also been nervous about writing this specific post so I've been putting it off but I feel it's something that really has to be said. I spent the majority of my childhood in Speech Therapy and was given the option to stop my Freshman year of High School even if I was no where near finishing the program, and I definitely wouldn't have before graduation. I was given that option because I was pulled out of class for Speech Therapy and it that itself was a bigger problem than it was in Junior High and especially Elementary School. I sort of regret of not taking Speech Therapy for the rest of High School but now that I've been backsliding again it might not have mattered later on. My speech impediment hasn't stopped me from finding jobs. I went through a few jobs before settling with Kroger and got promoted during the time I've been having Hydrocephalus related medical problems and while my speech has been backsliding.

Even though I'm not willing to go into much detail about it writing on a public site, what I regret now is the lack of Occupational Therapy when a lot of the focus was on  Speech Therapy. I had it in Preschool and then during a two year period when I was in the 5th grade and into Junior High in the form of Adaptive P.E but I wish I would have been offered more. I'm not sure how much the school district offered though, and my parents wouldn't have been able to afford if it wasn't something they would have had to pay for. I'm able to do that majority of my job without a problem but I run into problems when I have to do something that has to do with fine motor skills. I've been offered Occupational Therapy recently but working 5 or 6 days a week and almost full time it's something I don't have time for. I need to keep my availability open as much as possible too so it would be tough to schedule it on a regular basis.

The point of this post is a warning to Parents of children with Hydrocephalus or younger people with it to consider Occupational Therapy if it's not already being provided because problems fine motor skills and other similar problems will just be worse in the work force. I know that there's a lot of people with Hydrocephalus and with some it's obvious it wouldn't be possible early on. But with many people with Hydrocephalus it is possible to lead a pretty normal life. Thanks for reading, and I helped and encouraged others. If you want to know about my specific struggles with fine motor skills at work feel free to send me a E-mail or contact me on the social networking sites where I post links to my blog.

 http://kidshealth.org/parent/system/ill/occupational_therapy.html

 http://kidshealth.org/parent/system/ill/speech_therapy.html

 http://www.hydroassoc.org/docs/A_Teachers_Guide_to_Hydrocephalus.pdf

working while living with a chronic medical condtion

Work has been keeping busy the last couple weeks and had a couple evening and graveyard shifts along with the normal morning shifts.I'm excited about getting more experience in Produce instead of just cut fruit and having little or no experience in everything else.But when I just do cut fruit then I usually always know what day of the week or at least the date because I pull everything in my case that's out of date when I first come in.It's not a big deal but it caused me to forget to start thinking of what to write about until just a couple days,so that's why I'm posting later in the week this week.I was having a hard time thinking of a topic so I didn't think I was going to post at all.This post is going to be more selfish than others,but I wouldn't be posting it if I didn't think it would help at least someone.I'll try to at least make it into something with more information than what I have already planned as well.

I've been thinking some today about how my job history would have been different if I would have decided to mention my hydrocephalus and my shunt in any of my job applications.It's not that I was afraid that I wouldn't get the job,but it I didn't see it as a issue.Up until a few years ago any problems I had with my shunt was few and far between,and not really something to be concerned about.By the time it did become a problem and when I started to think about it more I had been with my current job for a couple years,and I was working a second job.So I had already filled out all the job applications and at least started with all the jobs I've had.The company I work for is one that I know won't get rid of me no matter how many surgeries and recovery time I'll need in the future.I'm not saying that it's how my life will be,but hydrocephalus is very unpredictable and there's always a chance.I didn't realize the reasons why I should have put it on applications and there are several,but one is that it's usually more important to have a job where you won't risk getting fired or have the employer have no idea what's going on than to just get the first job that comes around.

Another thing that's important about working while living with hydrocephalus or any pre-existing condition that requires any kind of surgery is the work that you do.Although it's rare to get a job where you'll be in a good position during surgeries and then the recovery process it helps.The first couple of my jobs were fast food,and other than the risk of losing those jobs I can't really think of any other problems I would have had with them.But if I would have need surgery when I was working in a sit down restaurant that's where there would have been problems.The main one would have been trying to stay there without heavy lifting during recovery,because all restaurants jobs except for one include heavy lifting on a regular and then being a cashier/host can't always be a option.

I currently work a division of Kroger,and in August it will be 5 years.I've been in produce for a little over a year now and before then I was a courtesy clerk.I was stuck in that position for longer than normal because I had problems I had to overcome,because I don't always learn things as fast as everyone else,and because of people trying to keep me down because of disability in general.Produce is probably not the best department to be in with the risk of future surgeries or having a shunt in general but if I need to then I can switch departments.Then I can switch back to Produce when I can because that's where I really want to be and succeed in.But if that doesn't happen then there's several other departments that I can end up in and learn to love,that I can still work in even if I have a speech impediment.I know it might not what comes to mind when you think of produce but the reason why I may not always be able to work in produce is because of all the heavy lifting.The boxes and bags that produce is kept in can get pretty heavy,for example apple boxes and melon boxes are usually 50 pounds or more.I've always felt that health insurance has been good to have in a job,in general but when having a medical condition to be more specific.I don't know how much it will help exactly and I do need to work at least 80 hours a month to have it so when I need to go on leave that means that I will lose it before I'm able to work that many hours a month again,and it won't cover what happens when I don't have it.The other part of my job that I feel is important is the option of leave of absence,and it's not something where you risk losing your job after only a short period of time.There's sick leave,vacation and personal days too but it will only cover so much time and I'll only be able to have income still for about a month after surgery,and that won't save my health insurance.Also I'm a union employee,and I understand that people have mixed opinions about it but most people who don't think I should be involved don't understand the risks without them.Not only does it make it harder for people to mess with my job or even cause me to lose it just because of my disability it will help me when/if I need surgery.Because I'll be able to stress out less about medical bills,rather it means helping getting paid off or just stopping the harassment from bill collectors.Also if my health goes downhill,then they will be able to help me get on disability and have help with the transition.

I hope this helps more than I think,and thanks for reading :)

limitations including career paths

Sorry I haven't been writing on a certain during lately,but I have been making it a point to write during the start of the week or at least before Thursday.Also I had a problem coming up for the my topic this week.Lately I've been thinking about career paths or other activities that I wouldn't be able to do simply because I have a neurological condition and more than I have a medical device in me.I don't know if this post will help others as much as like others posts during the last few months though.But it's been brought up on hydrocephalus groups on Facebook somewhat and it's something that I've personally thought about once in a while.

I don't know if I've mentioned it on here or not,but growing up I knew very little about hydrocephalus.Actually the only thing I knew about it except for my shunt and knowing that I'll probably need to have it replaced at some point was my limitations.I knew that I couldn't play contact sports,and I knew that I wouldn't be able to join the military.By knowing my limitations I'm talking about everything that I had to work harder on and fall behind me on when it seemed to be so easy for everyone else.The everyday limitations didn't always make me think of my condition though.But when I had to turn down every playground game that what a contact sport it did make me think of it,and it was lonely having to sit out on games.Thankfully my elementary school P.E teacher only planned things that I could be a part of,and the few times that I couldn't she made it a option for the whole class so I wouldn't feel left out.I didn't think about it much until I started to hear other people's experiences with P.E,but I'm grateful for what she did for me.

I knew that I couldn't join the military for as long as I can remember,and it didn't really bother me until high school.Either though I still think about not having career paths that I knew I'll never be able to do with physical contact,and one that I never thought about that I'll never be able to do which isn't usually something that's realistic anyway is being a astronaut.Not only would there would be a danger when it comes to the physical training,but being in space would most likely mess up my shunt.Not only would the pressure be a problem,but my shunt relies on gravity,and there's none in space.None of these options would really be realistic options except for the military,with or without my shunt so it doesn't bother me.

What does bother me is the career paths I can have now that I may not be able to do in the future.I'm not saying that it will happen,but with the condition I have there's always that chance that my condition will become more severe and there might be things I can do that I won't be able in the future.I'm not going to talk much about the career options that I won't be able to do because it's something I haven't put much thought into and most of it hopefully is things I won't need to consider doing for a living.However hopefully I do write about it can be used as a example or other career paths too.I currently work in the produce department for a division of Kroger.You might not think about it when you think about a produce department in a grocery store,but my job involves a lot of heavy lifting.Most of the boxes fruit come in tends to be heavy and it's not uncommon for apple boxes,melon boxes etc etc to be about 50 pounds.When/if I need a revision it's going to mean that I won't be able to work in Produce,or at least not the normal way because it would be months before I could do heavy lifting,if ever.So at some point Produce might be a option,and though I'll miss it there are other career paths in the grocery business.What would be a problem if there's ever a day where I lose my job in the grocery business and have to go back to working in restaurants like before.In that industry there is little that wouldn't have to do with heavy lifting,cashier/host only.

There are also jobs where we/I could do that wouldn't  be a rise choice because hospital stays and recovery wouldn't be a option.Personally that job for me is retail management.It wouldn't be a risk to my shunt,and if I tried hard enough I can do it.But it's a problem when someone in that position calls in sick at all,let alone suddenly be on leave.These our usually jobs that we can't do because of safety reasons,and these are jobs that we could be offered.But it wouldn't exactly be always wise to have them.This is just my opinion,and I know there may be people who don't agree with me.


I know at least some people see the limitations of career choices as discrimination to us,but it's really not.It's for our safety,and I'm neurosurgeons would agree with the military,professional sport leagues,and NASA to not hire us for these jobs.It's discrimination when it's a job that we could do physical that they would't hire us for just because we have a disability,and some of those jobs just aren't worth fighting for.Thanks for reading :)